I was talking with an old flame of mine recently; a very intelligent and beautiful woman, but somehow things didn’t just work out between us, but that’s by the way, and she told me about this one particular guy that she was really crazy about when they first met, but as time went by slotted into the friend zone”.
She told me that the guy was great and all and that she actually liked having him around, but she didn’t sleep with him. Naturally, I asked why she didn’t sleep with him and she told me that she wanted to but the guy was too nice and that she didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
She said the guy was looking for a serious relationship, which was more than she wanted at the time. I got even more curious and asked her why she thought that he wanted things to be more serious. Guess what she said.
She told me she knew because that’s exactly what the guy told her he wanted, he literally said he didn’t want to just sleep with her quickly. And since all she wanted was a quick fling, and she didn’t want to hurt her feelings, she had to let him down gently.
I laughed when she told me that because I see guys like him all the time. Do you think that if she had told him she just wanted to hookup, our guy here would have just said “Oh no sorry, all I want is a committed relationship”? Of course not. In fact I’m sure the reason why he told her he wanted a serious relationship is because he thought that was the best shot he had at sleeping with her.
And the funny thing about men who beat around the bush and hide their real intentions from women to make them think they don’t want to sleep with them is that…It actually works.
The women actually think these men don’t want anything else except a long term commitment, and this kills attraction. Other guys who were more direct, to the best of my knowledge got to sleep with that girl of mine, while the timid nice guy did not.
Why You shouldn’t be Mr. Nice Guy
Nice guys are pushovers, they never challenge anything, they give things they don’t want to give, they say things they don’t want to say, and they do things they don’t want to do all in a bid to be liked.
The thing about nice guys is that they are actually very insincere people. They act nice and generous, all the while hoping they can get something back in return; and people especially women can pick up on this kind of insincerity. No wonder they can’t help but take advantage of Mr. Nice guy. I like to call guys like this MAGA GUYS.
And the worst part is that is that he can never out rightly ask for anything back in return, because that would be contradicting his nice guy façade; so he just grits his teeth and complains about how mean and wicked women and the world in general are.
This is really a guy you don’t want to be.
Why You don’t Want to Be An Asshole Either
When men finally come to their senses and decide to get good with women, they realize they’ve been acting way too nice, and in order to compensate for that they go bounding off in the other direction.
They try being more self-centered, selfish and inconsiderate, acting mean and insulting to women, all in a bid to look tough and all alpha male like.
And women actually start responding better to them, they even get laid every once in a while; so they adopt this new asshole life style because at least it’s better than being a nice guy, right.
But the problem here is that both of these guys are stationed at the extremes of the personality scale. On one end we have the nice guy and at the other, we have the asshole. So the question now is which of the two should you be.
The simple answer is NEITHER.
Going the nice guy route will only leave you frustrated and used so that is definitely a no no. Being an asshole on the other hand helps your cause a little, in the sense that women will be more attracted to you and people will respect you more, but the bad feelings you stir up in people, will be a major stumbling block to any real progress you make.
But if it came down to choosing between being a nice guy or an asshole, I’d rather be an asshole, because the asshole even though limited in his dating choices, is more attractive to women than a nice guy will ever be.
But hands down the man who is most attractive to women is a truly GENUINE MAN.
Be A Genuine Man
The men who have the most success with women are most of the time some of the most caring thoughtful kind and generous souls you’ll ever meet.
The difference between these men you’re general run-of-the-mill “nice guys” is that these men who are very successful with women are strong, confident men who are kind because they chose to be like that.
These are the kind of men women talk about when they say, “why can’t I just find a nice, caring man”. What they actually mean when they say this is “Why can’t I find a strong, sexy man who also happens to have a good heart”?
These men are quite rare unfortunately; maybe I see one in every hundred guys I meet. And this scarcity of genuine men happens because for most people, the traits of a nice guy and a strong, sexy man are mutually exclusive.
Like all things in life, it’s all about finding a balance. It takes a real man to be strong yet sensitive, firm yet gentle, dominant yet considerate. It’s a fine line between the nice guy and the asshole that few men can walk, especially if you don’t know where the limits are.
That means that if you’re coming from a nice guy background, you need to push yourself into asshole territory; literally go out of your way to be mean to people especially women. In doing so you’ll have been to both extremes and will now be in a better position to be a truly genuine man.
So I am saying that you should be generous, kind hearted, and selfless, but one thing you must not be is weak and afraid. One of my mentors said women can smell fear and weakness like body odour and I think it’s true.
If you’re helping her only because you think she won’t like you anymore if you don’t, then you’re being an insincere nice guy, and if you want to help her but you think dong so will show weakness, then you’re in asshole territory.
Whatever you do do it because you want to; always be a giver of value, and as you’ll soon find out, women will love and respect you that much more for it.
Yours,
Adrian.
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